Category: Advertising and Marketing (Page 4 of 7)

Not Saving the Rainforests

January 25, 2008 / Neil Kramer / 42 Comments

I might as well end the week with another tale of assertiveness gone wild.Â

Sophia has a cold, so I went to Whole Foods to buy some chicken soup.Â It must be “Green” month at Whole Foods because at the check-out stand, there were numerous displays and posters about energy-saving and the environment.Â Instead of the organic chocolate bars lined up as impulse buys as you wait, they hadÂ energy-saving lightbulbs in green packages.Â Â Gift cards were displayedÂ that bought you “wind-powered” energy.Â Â I’ll have to go back a second time to read how these cards work.Â Do you fan yourself with them in the summer?

After serving myself the soup from their self-help soup vats in the deli department, I stood on line to pay.Â There was a bearded man in front of me buying organic garbanzo beans.Â The very pretty check-out girl rang him up, and then asked him, “Would you like to donate a dollar to the Whole Foods Rainforest Campaign?” (or something like that)

“Of course,” he answered.

His answer bugged me.Â Why did he answer so quickly?Â Does he even know what this campaign is about?Â Is he assuming that just because Whole Foods is doing it, that it is worthy?Â Shouldn’t he ask to see the literature first?Â How much of the dollar actually goes to the rainforest?Â Would he be so eager to give money if the girl wasn’t so pretty?Â

“Thank you for you donation,” said the girl.Â “Your dollar will save 230 acres of the Amazonian rainforest.” (or something like that)

S**t!Â Why did she have to say that?Â How can anyone — after hearing that — say no?Â If I dare no, it is like I am personally destroying 230 acres of the essential rainforest.Â

It was now my turn.Â She rang up my chicken soup, then looked at me with her large green eyes.

“Would you like to… blah blah…”Â

I didn’t need to hear the rest because I knew what she was saying.Â I knew what she was thinking.

She was thinking, “Oh, here is a smart-looking man with glasses who surely knows about the problems with the rainforests of the world and must be pretty well-off if he is shopping at Whole Foods, so he would look like a real loser if he didn’t give a measly dollar as a donation.”

I was about to say, “Of course,” when my new assertiveness training took hold.Â Why am I giving a dollar to this charity right now?Â Do I really WANT to or am I being a pushover?Â You know what?… I can be my own man.Â Â Screw the rainforest.Â Â Why not be a little selfish today?Â I’m going to take that dollar and… buyÂ myself aÂ lottery ticket!

“I’m sorry.Â Not today,” I told the check-out girl, referring to the donation.

“That’s fine,” she replied, her green eyes squinting at me with disappointment and seething hate.

Now, I realize that many of my readers are environmentally-conscious and believe that the rainforests are very important.Â The world’s rainforests are currently disappearing at a rate of 6000 acres every hour (this is about 4000 football fields per hour).

Well, screw you too!Â I’m gonna be a mega-millionaire on Saturday!

(editor’s note:Â the author does love the rainforests and will donate ~~10%~~ 8% of his mega-millions to charity)

Vote for Me… Or Else

January 12, 2008 / Neil Kramer / 20 Comments

I woke up this morning and saw a large manila package outside our door.Â I opened the door, still in my underwear, and took it.Â It was for Sophia.Â Since she was still sleeping,Â I took the initiative to open the package myself.Â Out came a huge brochure, a press kit, and a free movie pass for a Paul Thomas Anderson-directed movie for Miramax.Â I laughed to myself. It was for the SAG awards.Â It was that time a year again, despite the Writers’ Strike. The Weinsteins must really want to win and Oscar this year.Â Â Did they really send this to each and every SAG member?

I heard Sophia rustling in bed upstairs.

“You got a package!”

“A package? From whom?” she asked, half asleep.

“Someone really wants you to vote for them! — “There Will Be Blood“.”

“Oh my God.” she replied, her voice cracking nervously. “What did you say?!”

“Someone really wants you to vote for them! — “There Will Be Blood”.”

“Who would do such a thing? Is this a threat?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Sophia stepped out of the bedroom, looking like she spent a little bit too much time on Facebook last night, particularly the US politics application. She heard me say: ” Someone really wants you to vote for them or there will be blood!”

I assured her that Hilary Clinton would never send her a manila package with a threatening message.Â Â She would put a horse’s head in the bed.

Jennifer Love Hewitt and the Los Angeles Times Ad

December 4, 2007 / Neil Kramer / 49 Comments

As long time readers of this blog know, I’m a stick-in-the-mud about certain things, such as advertising.Â I have no problem promoting you or your photography, but it really bugs me to think of myself as advocating something I don’t believe in or know, just because I’m being paid.Â Every few weeks, I’m writing another meanderingÂ post about putting up advertising, blah blah blah.Â I know, it’s getting boring.Â It’s just that I consider what’s on the page as ON THE PAGE, and I find it difficult not connecting the two.Â A few weeks ago, I made fun of a huge Burger King advertisement on all of the blogs with BlogHer ads.Â I like Burger King.Â And maybe you do, too.Â I just don’t want to see you complaining about the obesity of America when you are pocketing from the promotion.Â

There was a lot of buzz yesterday about these photos of Jennifer Love Hewitt that showed up on TMZ, mocking her because the now size 2 actress was supposedly “fat.”Â Here’s a photo of her ass.Â

Frankly, I would have no problemÂ holding that ass.Â

Most of the buzz about this non-topic revolved around the nasty reader comments on the site, like “Looks like somebody needs to do some jogging….BADLY!!” or sleazy TMZ’s sarcastic headlines, making jokes about “I Know Where She ATE last summer.”Â Of course, being me, what I most noticed on the site were all the advertisements on the sidebar– from ATT, the Los Angeles Times, and others.Â Â It’s a free country, TMZ is very successful, and it is owned by Time Warner.Â It is smart to advertise with TMZ.Â However, I now consider ATT and the Los Angeles Times as advocates of unhealhy body images for women, and the mocking of anyone over a size 0.Â Hey, they are the ones PAYING for this type of crap to be put on the internet.

So, I don’t feel bad at all saying that the Los Angeles Times hates people with biggerÂ than size zeroÂ asses.Â “That’s ridiculous!” you might say.Â I don’t.Â You wanted me to notice your advertisment, LA Times.Â And I did.Â So, I consider this an endorsement of the content on the page.Â I bet you that your ass isn’t as nice as Jennifer’s anyway.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:Â Exhibit at the Guggenheim Museum

Have it Your Way

October 11, 2007 / Neil Kramer / 15 Comments

Add the Mayo
Add the Cheese
Have it Your Way
Pretty Please

“Mommy, Mommy,”
Kids Do Sing
“I Want Me
Some Burger King”

“No, No, No
That Food is Bad”

“But Didn’t I See it
On Your Ad?”

Are you sure mothers using BlogHer ads want to be advertising Burger King value meals to other busy mothers in their sidebars?Â Â Frankly, I like Burger King Whoppers, much more than Big Macs, but I don’t have a childhood obesity problem — only high cholesterol.Â Â At least In-N-Out gives me some old-time religion with my burger!Â Â Burger King doesn’t even get the good movie tie-ins.

When is it Our Turn, Katharine McPhee?

July 23, 2007 / Neil Kramer / 22 Comments

It’s nice to get the latest New Yorker in the mail (thank you Leesa!), but nothing is quite as exciting as receiving my Stuff Magazine fresh off the press. However, today, I received my August issue, and I was quite surprised (and disappointed) to find nice Valley girl and 2006 American Idol runner up, Katharine McPhee, splashed across the cover, wearing hardly any clothes.

This truly upset me because it is another example of the double standard that exists in this country. Why do half-undressed women ALWAYS get to be on magazine covers? When is it going to be OUR turn? I am ready and willing to appear on a magazine cover in my birthday suit if the price is right (at least $50 bucks and lunch at Wendy’s), but does anyone expect me to get any phone calls from Cosmopolitan or O or Saveur magazine or even Bloggers Weekly? Of course not. We men are virtually invisible as half-undressed individuals on magazine covers!

This is exactly why we need BlogHim — to discuss important issues concerning men. We will not rest until we get as much respect as mommybloggers ONLINE and get equal work as sexily-posed half-naked individuals on magazine covers.

Thank you, Taylor Hicks, for your support of BlogHim. We support you and your struggle to be accepted. We remember that it was YOU who won American Idol, not Katharine McPhee. We are honored that you are allowing us to show this recent photo of you, hoping that it will change stereotypes about our bodies, our selves, and our own need for exhibitionism and admiration. (salt and pepper chest hairs have been photoshopped out for that sleek “swimmer” look that is so popular with women and gay men)

Coming Soon

June 17, 2007 / Neil Kramer / 24 Comments

Overheard at Trader Joe’s

May 27, 2007 / Neil Kramer / 39 Comments

Mother to Mother:Â “I will only give Danielle the organic Kashi cereal now.Â Â I’m not supporting the Frosted Flakes-Cocoa Puffs industry anymore.Â Â Â It’s time we were heard!”

You have been heard.Â Greedy sugary cereal producer of Frosted Flakes and Cocoa Puffs, Kellogg’s, OWNS Kashi (but you’ll never see it mentioned anywhere on the box or website).

Update:Â From last year’s New York Times:

Conventional cereal makers have been looking for ways to jump-start sales in a category that has been flat since 1995. In 2003 total cereal sales, excluding Wal-Mart, were $6.99 billion. In 2005 they were $6.89 billion but alternative cereal companies continue to expand. In 2005, sales of alternative cereals (excluding sales at Wal-Mart) were $361 million, up from $273.5 million in 2003, a 32 percent increase, according to Spins research.

Many of the alternative cereal brands are owned by larger companies, including Kellogg and General Mills. “Cereals, like milk, are one of the primary entrance points for use of organics,” said Ms. Christenson of Spins, “which is pretty closely tied to children – health concerns, keeping pesticides, especially antibiotics, out of the diets of children. These large firms wanted to get a foothold in the natural and organic marketplace. Because of the mindset of consumers, branding of these products has to be very different than traditional cereals.”

These corporate connections are often kept quiet.

“There is frequently a backlash when a big cereal package goods company buys a natural or organic company,” Ms. Christenson said. “I don’t want to say it’s manipulative, but consumers are led to believe these brands are pure, natural or organic brands. It’s very purposely done.”

General Mills owns Cascadian Farm, and the name behind Kashi is Kellogg. Barbara’s Bakery is owned by Weetabix, the leading British cereal company, which is owned by a private investment firm there. Mother’s makes clear that it is owned by Quaker Oats (which is owned by PepsiCo). Health Valley and Arrowhead Mills are owned by a natural food company traded on the Nasdaq, Hain Celestial Group; H. J. Heinz owns 16 percent of that company.

The cereals sold under the Peace label are owned by Golden Temple, a for-profit company owned by a nonprofit group founded by the late Yogi Bhajan, who made his fortune from Yogi Tea, Kettle Chips and a company that provides security services.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:Â The Poetry Reading

Make Believe

March 22, 2007 / Neil Kramer / 15 Comments

The Boyfriend Trouser — for the woman who doen’t have a boyfriend, but wants to make believe she does.

The Nike Cap — For the couch potato who doesn’t play golf like Tiger Woods, but wants to make believe he does.

The Leather Jacket — for the person who isn’t tough, but wants to make believe he is.

Friendster — for the person who doesn’t have any friends, but wants to make believe she does.

Technorati — for the person who isn’t important, but wants to make believe he is.

A Year Ago in Citizen of the Month: Man and Woman: Morning

Heavy Petting

December 11, 2006 / Neil Kramer / 44 Comments

Â
Your pet can take a photo
with Santa at PetSmart!

I don’t know if I will make this a tradition of actually writing about every single person I make my “Blog Crush of the Day,” but tomorrow my crush will be the ultra-popular Laurie of “Crazy Aunt Purl.”Â For some reason, I have always been attracted toÂ someone very different than myself. Â Laurie is a Southerner who writes a knitting blog.Â On paper, I have absolutely nothing in common with her — which perfectly explains why I am fascinated with her.Â

Like many women, Laurie loves her cats.Â She even writes about them today.Â I’m always making fun of her cats.Â I’ve never had a pet, so maybe I just can’t relate.Â I’ve always wanted a dog, but never had the chance to own one.Â

On TV, I’ve been noticing advertisements for PetSmart, which is touting itself as the best place to buy your pet a Christmas gift.Â I asked her this question, and I want to ask you the same:

“I’m curious, as a pet owner, do you actually give your dog or cat a Christmas or Hanukkah gift?”

In the past, I might have thought you were odd if you said “yes,” but I think my views are changing.Â If someone is so loving with their pets, maybe this person is as giving with everyone, including her friends and family.Â

Still, be prepared for my mother to make fun of you when she reads, “Of course I give myÂ poodle a gift.”Â Â

My mother will probably say, “Those blodgers are crazy!”

Make Me Insecure Friday

October 26, 2006 / Neil Kramer / 69 Comments

In the tradition of Poetry Tuesday and Sunday Scribblings, I’d like to welcome you to the hottest blogging craze — Make Me Insecure Friday!

Yes, it’s Friday.Â You’ve worked hard all week.Â But before you go home and have a relaxing weekend, why not sit back while I tell you what a loser you are.

Today’s topic is:Â Â Numbers.

Numbers.Â

Is there anything that makes us more insecure than numbers?Â

The Top 10.Â The Big 5.Â Â The Technorati 100.Â Hah Hah, I’m sure you’re not ANY OF THOSE!Â Â

Have you looked at your blog stats today?Â The numbers areÂ down… way down!

By the way, what exactly is your net income?Â Is that ALL you make for doing that?

Ooh, is that the Infiniti M35 you’re driving?Â Â Nice, but NOT as nice as my Infiniti M45!

Are you really a man who is under six feet tall?Â What woman is going to date you other than Linda Hunt?

Jeez, are you a woman with only an 32A cup?Â Â Is your father Flat Stanley?

And you’re over 35 and still not married?Â Crazy woman, crazy woman!

You’re not partner yet?Â Â What kind of man are you?Â You should be making twice as much as your father!

My friend Trish is a size 4 and laughs at the big women who are size 6 and 8.Â Â I have news for you, Trish, the laughter is over.Â Nicole Miller is coming out with sizes that areÂ LESS THAN ZERO.Â Â Â That’s right — NEGATIVE ZERO clothes.

Let’s make believe you’re a condom manufacturer in Japan.Â You’re coming out with a new brand made specifically for men who want a condom that is, uh, of average length and narrower than others.Â What would be a good name for this condom?Â Let’s see… how about Beyond Seven!Â