Normal guy who is A-OK
I need to take a deep breathe and make sure this blog does not fly off the tracks.  I’ve only been away from Sophia for two days. We haven’t spoken yet, but I’m sure we will at some point this week. I am not losing it. I AM living with my mother, but it isn’t a Bates Motel type of thing where I “think” I am living with my mother. In fact, here’s my mother to tell you herself —
Neil’s Mother: Yes, I am Neil’s mother. Despite what you may think, my son is a completely normal and well-adjusted man.  Don’t judge him by his irrational blog. Even his penis jokes are mostly done in good humor. But since we are on that subject, let me tell you, if it is anything like what his father had, any woman will be very lucky….
Neil:Â Uh, thank you, Mom.
Neil’s Mother:Â And I bet you he kisses well too!
Neil:Â Enough, Mom.
I just want to reiterate.  I am a completely normal, stable, and confident person. I do not intend to spill out my guts to you every night on my blog.  Life is going on. I am writing this wonderful screenplay. The sun is shining.  Everything is A-OK.
Have a nice day.
Â
Hi Neil’s Mother! *Waves* A little TMI about your husband though…
I like you better when you’re a neurotic, sex-obssessed, ABBA-loving, emotional mess. It makes me feel SO much better about myself. Normal is relative you know…
i’m so glad you’re ok. are you ok? i was surprised there wasn’t a truth quotient at the end of this post. i’m not sure what to do without a truth quotient sometimes.
Why the hell would you write a blog if you don’t intend to spill your guts to us every night on your blog? We mommyblogger types LOVE gut-spilling. It’s what we live for.
I say the more guts the better! Also, the more Neil’s Mother the better. Even if I do now have to wash out my brain from this particular visual.
COU(bullshit)GH!
This upbeat attitude scares me way more than the depressed one.
Have you played Scrabble yet? I took that betting action you know.
Love you happy or sad :-).
You weren’t, by chance, writing this post from the ledge of a tall building, or while cradling a rifle in a high tower, were you? I’d hate to see you end up on the evening news.
Neil – EVERYONE is messed up in some way. It’s just coming to grips with that reality that’s difficult. Relax, you’re fine.
you’re fabulous. i hope you know that.
Norman…are you sure that isn’t you?
I don’t believe for a second that was your mother talking
C’mon, Neil, admit it. You need to write on your blog. You need us to read your blog. You need to read our comments about your blog posts. You are needy…whether in Redondo Beach or in Queens.
And that, my friend, is actually called normal, so you definitely are A-OK!
sounds kind of like my last three days. minus the mcdonalds coffee, per something read elsewhere
I agree with Judy. It’s not nice to pull a National Enquirer on your own mother — who went through G-d knows how many hours of labor, and sacrificed G-d knows what in order to raise a Citizen of the Month — but it is rather funny.
Everything here is not A-OK…the sun is not shining, it’s snowing and I’m not sure we can get out of Dodge here in Wyoming. It is beautiful though. Just keep taking one breath at a time, Neilochka. It really does get better.
Well, I suppose it’s sort of like coming pre-certified –to have your mother vouch for the possible size of your penis.
Tell me, is it a certificate with gold foil, and fancy writing?
I’m of the “Stop Obsessing About Your Penis” school of thought. It’s off-putting to any woman who isn’t, uhm… a MAN. I’m out of the race to rob you of your di-vor-ginity ™, but even the casual reader would probably urge you to stop selling yourself so cheaply. Just chill out, make some friends, whack off if need be, and stop with all the “I Am My Penis” talk. And while you are at it? Tell me to stop drinking the Sauv. Blanc. like it was soda. Thanks!
Velma — YAY, I like a babe who speaks her mind. You are my blog crush later this week!
Your mom is going to be slightly irritated that you posted that piece of fiction. She didn’t say anything of the sort! 😉