Tag: Blogiversary

Ten Years of Citizen of the Month – A Dedication

March 7, 2015 / Neil Kramer / 27 Comments

It was March 2005, and my first two weeks of blogging. Â No one was reading Citizen of the Month, my “blog” named after a award that I frequently won in grade school for being such a goody-two-shoes. And without any comments, the idea of writing a blog seemed like a waste of time.

Then, a woman named Mary commented on several posts, writing notes such as “great post” and “you are a talented writer.” I was so excited; I was connecting with a stranger through my writing! This type of immediate feedback more satisfying that writing scripts for soulless Hollywood.

But then I noticed an oddness in the “IP address” of this Mary person. It was the same IP address as mine — not similar, but exactly the same.

This was because “Mary” was my wife at the time, Sophia, encouraging me under a false alias, not wanting me to quit.

This is a dedication to my first ten years of blogging.

I started my blog on March 7, 2005, on my birthday.

There are so many people to thank. Citizen of the Month has been a personal journey of my last ten years, and I have made countless friends along the way, like Frodo meeting the dwarves and elves while heading to Mount Doom. But there is only one person who truly deserves a special dedication to my first ten years of blogging — and that is Sophia.

If Citizen of the Month were a novel, it would start with my marriage to Sophia, proceed to my on-and-off separation with Sophia, my on-and-off divorce from my Sophia, and finally to the aftermath of my marriage, from my chapter with Juli in New Zealand, to therapy, to my first stabs at online dating. Â Even my topical posts were filled with secret messages and personal details.

Even when Sophia wasn’t present in the online story, she was somehow in the background, such as when she hacked into my blogger address book and secretly arranged a virtual birthday party for me (with Danny ‘s help) in 2007.

My second decade of blogging will be a different story, one that I haven’t written yet, because I am not in complete control of the plot. My divorce is now further in the past and I live in another city. I haven’t been the greatest blogger of late, spreading myself thin on social media, but in my mind, everything I do online is a continuation of the personal journey that I started here on this space.

Thank you to everyone who ever stopped by, commented, or argued with me here on Citizen of the Month during the last ten years. Â I promise to try to put the shine back on to my space. Â Thanks to my mom, who has always been the most popular “character” on my blog, even back in 2005 when I got some laughs at her calling Citizen of the Month a “blodge.” Â To Elan, who taught me everything. Â Â To Martin, the best and most intelligent commenter that ever appeared on this blog. Â Bon, Jana, Juli, Sizzle, Josette, Lotus, Megan, Pearl, Tamar, Sarah, Jenn — jeez, you know who you are. Â Those names just came popping out and I apologize if I don’t mention you personally. Â I even apologize again to Â Liz from Mom 101 for calling her a Mussolini-type dictator for her “blogging with integrity” movement from years ago.

Throughout the years, I’ve always had an eccentric definition of a “blog.” I don’t see this space as writing or photography or a business. I’ve seen it as an extension of my life, as a living and breathing entity that expresses my inner soul, writing to myself, the wind, and sometimes just forÂ Tanis, simplyÂ to annoy her.

And thank you, Sophia for always being supportive of my online life (except for the one time you called my favorite blogging friend, Veronica, on the phone and yelled at her for that one comment, but I promised I would never mention that), and for being my muse during the Golden Age years of my blog.

Now on to my second decade of blogging.

The Start of Year Nine

March 10, 2013 / Neil Kramer / 21 Comments

It was my birthday a few days ago. Â It was also the anniversary of my blog, Citizen of the Month, which I started on March 7, 2005. Â Â I can’t believe that I am entering my ninth year of blogging. Â Back in 2005, I was so naive. Â I was writing without pay, but I had a dream — that with hard work and focus, I could build this tiny space into a well-respected community of like-minded individuals, and that my unknown voice could be a bright beacon of inspiration to others. Â Wait, I’m sorry. Â I’m talking about Schmutzie‘s blog, not mine. Â I sometimes get so confused. Â But whatever my stats, I don’t care. Â I have YOUR love, and that’s all that matter. Â I love you all. Â Except maybe for the ones who didn’t say “Happy Birthday” to me on Facebook this year. Â Oh, yeah. Â I made a list. Â I know who’s who.

Anyway,Â Â every year, on my blogiversary, rather than do a giveaway of some cool product, like a laptop or fancy new smartphone, which is too crass for my taste, I choose to celebrate in my own unique way — by boring you with my own analysis of the current blogging scene.

Some say blogging is dead. Â I say hogwash! Â (BTW — why do we say hogwash as a polite way of saying bullshit?) Â This year, I present you with concrete evidence. Â My friend Susan forwarded this email to me, proving that the personal blogging community is still as strong as ever!

Dear Susan,

You and I have been long-time online friends, ever since we first met on that “Mothers of Children With Peanut Allergies” forum back in 2007. We have watched our children grow and our lives change. More recently, we have supported our common business goals — you were my first commenter on my advocacy blog, “Peanut Allergy Shame No More!” and I have mentioned your blog, “The Peanut Allergy Resource Spot,” many times on Twitter. That’s why I was disturbed to see you on the Today show on Tuesday morning, introduced by Matt Lauer as the owner of the “premier blog on the net for mothers of children with peanut allergies.”

I sat through the interview waiting patiently for you to correct him, acknowledging that MY PEANUT ALLERGY BLOG was started a full three weeks before yours, and currently receives 23% more monthly traffic. I’m not even going to bring up the followers and engagement of our respective Facebook pages.

Strong leadership is essential for our community. We must pay honor to those who were there first. But nowadays, when I try to pitch a book on the subject, I’m always hearing, “Oh, we are already discussing that topic idea with Susan!”

You cannot be the “go-to” mother for mothers of children with peanut allergies. I AM the “go-to” mother for mothers of children with peanut allergies.

“Influence” has infected you, like a bad allergic reaction. You’ve even deleted my comments on your blog. For your information, I was NOT trying to “steal your brand,” as you insinuated in that email. Â I was just suggesting to your readers that they read a more “authentic” version of the story at my blog.

Are we clear about this? If there are any other questions, just look at my blog header: it reads “THE blog for mothers with children who have peanut allergies.” Please notice that the THE is capitalized and bolded.

Thank you, Susan. Much love and continued success. Let’s get the message out in the “correct” way. Remember the truly important ones in our blogging community… are the children!

Bridget

Fifth Year Blogiversary of Citizen of the Month

March 7, 2010 / Neil Kramer / 45 Comments

Today is my birthday. It is also the fifth anniversary of my blog, as I started Citizen of the Month on March 7, 2005.

While I enjoy my writing here, my greatest achievement with this blog is — getting to know you. I am proud of the weird assortment of people that have found their way here — essayists and photographers, geeks and knitters, religious Jews and Christian daddybloggers, somber artists and humorists, college professors and the unemployed, health fanatics and the heavily medicated, serious businesswomen and women who color their pubic hair blue, the popular and the not popular.

My lack of a niche IS my niche.

My writing was a bit off this year. I’ve had better years. But then again, you didn’t pay me much.

I am hoping for great things during my sixth of blogging… and in my new year of life. Things have been a little dark lately, and I would like to see more sunshine. In fact, I just found this amazing video that is opening my mind to new and exciting ways to further my blog success. I hope you enjoy it as well —

Thanks! xoxo

Two Birthdays and Blogiversary

March 7, 2006 / Neil Kramer / 77 Comments

Neil is asleep in bed.

Neil’s Penis: Neil, Neil, get up already.

Neil: I’m sleeping.

Neil’s Penis: Time to get up. Don’t you know what today is? It’s our birthday!

Neil: Happy birthday, Penis.

Neil’s Penis:   You too, Neilochka. We’ve certainly been together a long time. I even consider you a friend.

Neil: Wow, Penis, I didn’t figure you to be the sentimental type.

Neil’s Penis:   Sentimental?   Bullshit. I sometimes wish I was attached to someone else. Someone who actually fucked a woman a little more often.

Neil: I love you, too.

Neil’s Penis:   Aw, shit. You see right through me, don’t you? You’ll always be my best friend.

Neil: Thanks, pal.

Neil’s Penis: Just try to work with me more, like a partnership.

Neil: What do you mean?

Neil’s Penis:   Are you a numskull, Neil?

Neil: You don’t have to get nasty.

Neil’s Penis: Let me see if I can explain this to you so you can understand. Imagine all you ever eat is pizza.    All you want every minute of the day is pizza. And everywhere, 51% of the population is walking around with pizza. Beautiful pizzas. some with mushrooms, some with anchovies, some with green peppers. And all you can think about is all that pizza, with all that cheese and spicy tomato sauce, and the pizza dough that’s cooked to perfection. You getting it now?

Neil: Not really.

Neil’s Penis:   Get me some fucking pizza!

The doorbell RINGS.

Neil’s Penis: That better be Domino’s!

Neil: Do you really want pizza?

Neil’s Penis: It’s a euphemism, moron! A euphemism for some pussy!

Neil: Oh!

Neil opens the door. It is Sophia and Neil’s mother.

Neil: Mom? Sophia? What are you doing here?

Neil’s Penis: Aw, jeez, your mother is here. Talk about a mood-killer…

Sophia: We wouldn’t miss your birthday, Neilochka.

Neil’s Mother: Look at you. All grown up. A real mensch.

Sophia: And we brought you a birthday cake. It’s giant pink Hostess Sno Ball.

Neil’s Penis:   Oh great.  How about giving him a hostess with real giant pink Sno balls….

Neil: Huh?

Neil’s Penis: Tits, you imbecile! It’s another euphemism… for a woman with a nice pair of tits that you can just…

Neil’s Mother: Neil, are you still talking to that "thing" on your blodge?

Neil’s Penis:   Penis, Elaine! Penis! I have a name!

Neil’s Mother: Who’s that talking? Do I hear someone else talking?

Neil: Uh, it’s the TV. "American Idol."

Sophia: No more TV watching today. We’re taking you out for you birthday.

Neil: I’m not in a very celebratory mood.

Sophia: C’mon, it’s your birthday!

Neil: It just hasn’t been a great year. Things are still unresolved with us. I’m still looking for a good job. I just found out I may be kicked out of my apartment for illegally subletting it. And the saddest thing, of course — Dad passing away in September.

Sophia: Yeah, we all miss him.

Neil’s Mother: Especially me.

Neil: This is my first ever birthday without him around. When I moved to Los Angeles, he was always the first one to call me up — always seven in the morning LA time because he couldn’t wait any longer to sing "Happy Birthday." He always made such a big deal over my birthday.

Neil’s Mother: It certainly hasn’t been a good year for any of us.

Sophia: But you’re forgetting one good thing about this year.

Neil: What’s that?

The doorbell RINGS again. Ther are a few hundred bloggers standing outside. It’s every single blogger Neil has interacted with this year, from Akaky to Xtessa.

Sophia: It was exactly one year ago — on your birthday, that you set up your WordPress template. And you published your first post on March 8th. Here’s what you wrote:

"What’s on my mind this evening — the night of my first post?   It’s the future.   My future.

I see it so clearly.

I’m a very spry 100 year old man, thanks to medical advances and the ability of the medical establishment to take chances with modern patient care. Who knew that the diet supplement Trimspa would end up eradicating most illnesses from the world?

I’m in my home of the future. My grandson, Bar Code #466408736664, sits at my side, browsing the internet in eye-scan mode (using the latest upgraded Intel mini-chip in his brain — the PC having disappeared decades earlier).. Suddenly, he tells me that he’s at the Coca-Cola digi-Archives site (formerly the Library of Congress) and viewing this very first post that you are currently reading.

At that moment, I will be an old man remembering the early days of the Internet. The 56K modem. Netscape. Those AOL disks falling out of every magazine. That first illegal MP3. That first post on the blog.

"Grandpa," #466 says with a twinkle in his eye. "Man, grandpa, this post really sucks."

And just then, I realize that it isn’t a twinkle in his eye, but a reaction to one of those synthetic drugs he’s been taking at school.   I laugh, remembering how I was drunk while writing that first post.

"He’d grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.""

Neil: Wow. I did forget that.

Neil’s Mother:  I think your blodge really helped you going all year.  I know it helped me, except when you write about that "thing." I can do without that.

Neil’s Penis: (Robert De Niro voice) You talkin’ to me?

Neil: You know — originally I was going to wrte about movies and TV, but then I saw how Hilary wrote about her dating life. So, I started writing about Sophia.    And I saw how Pauly would write every single day, so I was inspired to do the same.   I was encouraged by the support of 2 Blowhards and Nick Douglas at Blogebrity, now at Valleyrag. And I began to look forward to blogging every day. Especially when I had the help of Sophia, editing me and telling me when a post was too shitty to post. And when I needed comfort, like when my father passed away, I got it not only from Sophia, but from bloggers themselves — strangers who weren’t really strangers anymore.   And during this year, I’ve made some great friends.

Neil’s Penis: If you had some balls, you could have had some action, too.

Neil: And what about now?

Neil’s Penis: Now it’s too late. Six months ago, female bloggers might have slept with you . Now you’re like the gay cousin who they talk about shoes with.

Neil: Damn it. I knew I should have made the move on ****** when I had the chance.

Neil’s Mother: I think you and Sophia need to sit down, discuss things about your marriage, like two adults, and get back together.

Sophia: I think you need to stop writing about me without asking my permission first.   Or if you do, at least start giving me some good lines.

Neil’s Penis:   I think you need to get laid. And soon. And your best shot right now is with — Tatyana. She seems to get turned on by liberals. I think she’s married, but I think if you buy her some expensive flowers, not the cheap ones you usually get for Sophia —

Man’s Voice: I think your blog is just fine!

Everyone turns around towards the open window. It is the Spirit of Neil’s Father — Arthur Kramer himself.

Neil: Dad? You’re here!

Neil’s Father: Of course I am. I wouldn’t miss your birthday. Even if I am in heaven.

Neil: This makes me so happy. Hey, everyone. This is my father.

All the bloggers greet my father.

Neil’s Father: Taking care of my boy, Sophia?

Sophia: I promised, didn’t I?

Neil’s Father: Hello, Elaine.

Neil’s Mother: Hi, Artie.

Neil’s Father: I hear you’re going to put "Be of Good Cheer" on the stone.

Neil’s Mother: You like it?

Neil’s Father: Very much. Is it possible to have it play the theme from "Gunga Din" every time someone approaches the plot?

Neil’s Mother: That’s just ridiculous.

Neil’s Father: I think it would be funny.

Neil’s Mother: No.

Neil’s Father: Just like a woman. Even when I’m dead, I still can’t get what I want.

Neil: So, Dad, how’s it going up there?

Neil’s Father: Eh… surviving. It’s comfortable. Relaxing.   Good entertainment at night. It’s a little bit like how Grossinger’s used to be in the Catskills. The food is good. But I don’t like the way they cut the corn beef. It’s too thick —

Neil: Yeah, you never liked it like that —

Neil’s Father:  You’d think in heaven they can do better, but frankly Pastrami King on Queens Boulevard made a better corned beef sandwich than they do in heaven —

Sophia: So, Dad, can you explain to us how heaven works?   I’ve always been curious.

Neil: Yeah, do you watch me all the time from above?

Neil’s Father: No, no, no. That’s only in the movies. But don’t worry, Neil. I follow everything about your life.

Neil: How?

Neil’s Father: I read your blog. Everyone reads "Citizen of the Month" up here in heaven.

Neil: They do?

Neil’s Father: Oh, we love it. A few days ago, we were all laughing so hard!

Neil: You mean people in heaven really appreciate my sense of humor?

Neil’s Father: Not really. We were laughing at you because you still wear those tighty-whiteys.   Even in heaven, no one would be caught dead wearing those. In heaven, we all wear boxer-briefs with microfiber material.   C’mon, son, get with it!   Stop embarrassing me in heaven with this mama’s boy underwear!