I knew one day I would get in trouble for something I wrote online. I just didn’t expect it to be with… Archie Comics.  Why do I find this ironic? Can’t I find a real nemesis, like some evil politician, or some big shot mommyblogger? But Archie and Jughead?!
Today I received an email from Archie, Reggie, Betty, etc. (hereinafter referred to collectively as the “Archie Characters”) — or rather their law firm — with an attached letter. It was pretty serious-looking stuff, written by someone who went to law school, and addressed to:
Mr. Neil Kramer
Citizen of the Month
It was about one of my recent blog posts.
Dear Mr. Kramer:
We represent Archie Comic Publications (“ACP”)…
It has recently come to our attention that…
…throughout its existence ACP has taken great pains to maintain the image of its comic magazines as healthy entertainment for children and young adults…
…the fake trailer portrays Archie Characters as murderous agents and includes sexually explicit and violent themes and language…
… tarnishing Archie Comic Publication’s venerable reputation for wholesome entertainment.
Before you start burning your children’s copies of “Archie and Friends” over censorship, the issue seems to be resolved. ACP was pretty fair about the whole thing, despite their initial hard-ass approach and threatening legal action. They will not take legal action if I clearly state on the blog that my post is intended to be a parody and that Citizen of the Month is not affiliated or associated with Archie Comic Publications, Inc.
Got that?
Thank you, ACP.  I never had any intention to mock you. In that previous post, I was actually making fun of what Hollywood would DO to you if they made Archie into a blockbuster movie. While I appreciate your peace offering, and accept it, I’m still not convinced it is a good policy to send the lawyers against a blogger. What if I were a teenager? I would be freaking out that I would be arrested! A regular ol’ email would have been just as effective. At least in the beginning.
 I respect Archie Comics for wanting to protect their trademark, and for caring about their young readers. I spent hours of my youth reading Archie comic books.  I never much cared for those bombastic DC and Marvel comics. Boy, did I love those Archie comics!
This probably is not the right time to tell a few stories of what I used to do at night, under the covers in my bedroom, while reading Archie comics with my trusty flashlight on, and dreaming about Veronica and her “oh so rich pampered girl ways.” Believe me, it was healthy entertainment.
This post is intended to be a parody. Citizen of the Month is not affiliated or associated with Archie Comic Publications, Inc.
