Do you remember two weeks ago I wrote about this “YouTube for Pornography?” My conclusion: I wasn’t very impressed with this site. Who wants to see those robotic men pounding away at the woman on the kitchen table? It’s also like watching some other guy’s slideshow of his trip to the Bahamas. It’s more interesting to HIM than me.
OK, I’ll admit it. I felt a little lonely tonight. Sunday nights are like that. What is a separated husband supposed to do?
I know this is probably sharing too much, even for a blog, but would you like to see something that REALLY turned me on? I mean A LOT. I mean I WANT this woman. NOW. I must have watched this 25 times in a row —
(Don’t worry, it is safe for work — but not for me)
(the song is from “Damn Yankees” a musical revival I saw today at City Center, but this rendition is NOTHING like the one in the show)
And the winner for the best description of the meaning behind Starship’s “We Built This City” is — the beautiful Memarie Lane – with this gem:
I think I’ve got it. They’re alluding to the founding of our country, the philosophies of which (freedom of religion and speech and all that)were considered very radical (i.e. rock and roll) at the time. But since then we keep rolling farther and farther back,through soft rock and disco and Motown and so on until “we just lost the beat.” So basically they’re saying we need to vote for Ron Paul.
As I mentioned two posts ago, she wins nothing. No Wii Fit. Nothing other than my gratitude and me wondering what she looks like naked.
As you have probably guessed by now, this post is really about nothing. I’m writing it very quickly, in between my morning shower and breakfast. Since it is a toss-off post, it gives me a chance to show you the “real” Neilochka, who can be a bit of an asshole. Most of the time, I try to be “literary” in my posts, making sure there is a intellectual point. I usually write my posts out in longhand first in a notebook. Today, I am just spitting out crap right onto Wordpress. And it feels pretty good. Perhaps it was my therapy session yesterday that helped open me up to new possibilites. Why do I need to worry about you — the reader — so much? I’m not “dependent” on you. What is the worst thing that can happen if you think my blog sucks? You’ll stop reading it. Will I die? I doubt it. There are plenty of you who once read this blog and have moved elsewhere. Maybe you’re trying to move into the elite mommyblogger’s circle and have no time for the men. Perhaps you were insulted by my post where I portrayed Archie and Jughead into violent superheroes. You might be a new reader who wrote a comment, and then I never responded to you… and was disgusted at me. I apologize. I feel the same way as you when I comment and the person doesn’t respond.
“What’s wrong with her?” I wonder. “Am I not good enough? What a snob she is! Blogging is so elitist!”
Well, we do things differently here. If I don’t respond to you right away, don’t take it personally. I love you. It’s not YOU. I’m the one who’s f**ked up! That’s right. That’s exactly what I was thinking while sitting in therapy with Brenda yesterday. I’m f**ked up! How long have I been writing about MOVING — yet I never move? Why do I have such a weird on-again/off-again relationship with this “separated” wife? The only honest answer is that I’m… f**ked-up. Ta-dah. There I said it. Now I can work on the solution.
Let me make the announcement here. If Sophia and I split up “officially,” I don’t want any of you sleeping with me for at least six months. No matter how hard I try to get into your pants at BlogHer, just say NO. I am NOT ready for it. Don’t get suckered into it when I say that your eyes are like God’s soul, and shit like that.
Besides, I’ve been with one woman for eleven years. The first time with someone else WILL be bad. And over very fast. And I will be crying.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
OK, back to blog comments –
So, if you write a witty comment on the blog, and it looks like I’m blowing you off, now you know the reason. I’m f**ked up. Just keep commenting, because it makes me feel good — and that is a public health service. Besides, a lot of cool people who come here. You should read their blogs.
Granted, there are funnier and more popular blogs where you will make more connections — such as Bossy — but I compensate by being advertising free. And I don’t make you put those dumb badges on your blogs.
Also, since I am a bit emotional unstable, you never know what I’m going to do next. So, I’m not boring.
For example — only a real nutcase would write three posts in a row about Starship’s “We Built This City.” Most bloggers would be all worried about losing their readers and people hating him.
But — I DON’T CARE. I’m crazy like that! I’ve been laughing for the last ten minutes because I’m now going to put up ANOTHER version of the song — the third in a row! Ha ha ha ha. You see, I’m not THAT nice! I have a bit of a mean streak! But I find it soooo funny, like the inner child I am.
And that’s what blogging is really about, isn’t it?!
Sometimes the God of Rock and Roll works in mysterious ways. Consider Sunday afternoon –
It was hot in Los Angeles, and I was sitting around in my underwear, looking at different music videos on YouTube. By chance, I hit upon Starship’s “We Built This City on Rock and Roll.” I’ve always liked this song as a guilty pleasure. At the same time, it was sad to see that the former members of the great Jefferson Airplane falling so low. This 80’s music video had a self-importance to it, but I couldn’t figure out what was the “message,” if any. What City were they talking about? Was this a cry against corporate radio? Who were all these teenagers running from the huge rolling dice in Las Vegas? What was the symbolism behind the Lincoln of the Lincoln Memorial coming alive and singing the chorus, “We Built This City on Rock and Roll.” Was this song about Pierre-Charles L’Enfant, who created the plans for Washington D.C.? Abraham Lincoln was one of our finest presidents, but I doubt he would ever be about “rock and roll.” I decided to write a post about this video. I ran a contest.
The winner of this contest is the one who writes the best description of what the artists are trying to communicate in this music video.
As I expected, I received humorous comments from my readers. After all, many of you were the “class clowns” and “misfits” during high school. But the most intriguing comment came from someone who didn’t even watch the video. It was from Natalie, who writes the blog Tell Me About It. She lives in Turkey. The Turkey Turkey. Isn’t that interesting? I’m not exactly sure how this New Orleans girl ended up in Turkey, but I bet you that after drinking that Turkish coffee, she ain’t ever coming back to Starbucks.
Here was her comment concerning the music video:
– and once again i miss out because youtube is still banned in turkey. dadgum. i so wanted that prize!
“YouTube is banned in Turkey?!” I asked.
Fascinated, I Googled the subject to learn more. Apparently, this is not the first time Turkey banned YouTube.
A Turkish court has again blocked access to the popular video-sharing Web site YouTube because of clips allegedly insulting the country’s founding father, according to reports Sunday.
It was the second time Turkey banned the site because of clips deemed disrespectful to Mustafa Kemal Ataturk. It is illegal in Turkey to insult the revered figure, whose portrait still hangs in nearly all government offices nearly 70 years after his death.
Some of the most offensive videos came from Greece, where the Turkish founding father was called “gay.” This was considered an insult to “Turkishness.”
Turkey is not alone in blocking YouTube. Last year, the Thai government banned the site for about four months because of clips seen as offensive to Thailand’s revered monarch, King Bhumibol Adulyadej.
And in May, Moroccans were unable to access YouTube after users posted videos critical of Morocco’s treatment of the people of Western Sahara, a territory that Morocco took control of in 1975. An official blamed a technical glitch, but could not explain its nature or why it affected only the YouTube site.
Suddenly, the music video made complete sense to me. It wasn’t the ”worst song ever recorded.” It was a political anthem about freedom. I even understood why Abraham Lincoln was singing along. No country — Turkey — included should be allowed to prevent her citizens from rocking and rolling, even if it is to really crappy 80’s songs! We as Americans must change the world and give everyone the chance to have big hair and giant dice… and make fun of their esteemed leaders. And we shouldn’t be doing it through WAR and BOMBINGS!
We should be doing it through the POWER OF ROCK AND ROLL.
Ever since I was a teenager, I listened to music when I was feeling down. Remember my obsession with ABBA a few months ago? Sometimes, I’m in the mood for some hard rock to lift me out of the doldrums, and sometimes I just look for the most depressing song possible in order to feel MORE miserable. Once you hit bottom, you can laugh, and start your way up the ladder again.
Do any of you have any really depressing songs that you just LOVE? Songs about broken hearts, suicides, and cars going off the edges of mountains?
For my money, this old song (Blue Magic’s Side Show (1974)) is one of the saddest love songs I’ve ever heard. It also makes me think about how we post about our lives on blogs for others to read — like a sideshow. Read the downer lyrics!
Hurry, hurry, step right up
See the side show in town for only fifty cents
Step right up hurry, hurry, before the show begins, my friends
Stand in line, get your ticket, I hope you will attend
It’ll only cost you fifty cents to see
What life has done to those like you and me
See the man with the broken heart, you’ll see that he is sad, he hurts so bad (so bad, so bad)
See the girl who has lost the only love she ever had
There’s got to be no sadder show to see
No doubt about it, satisfaction’s guaranteed
So let the sideshow begin
Hurry, hurry, step right up on in
Can’t afford to pass it by
Guaranteed to make you cry
Let the sideshow begin (hurry, hurry)
Hurry, hurry, step right on in
Can’t afford to pass it by
Guaranteed to make you cry
See the man who’s been cryin’ for a million years, so many tears (so many tears)
See the girl who’s collected broken hearts for souvenirs
It’s more exciting than a one man band
The saddest little show in all the land
So let the side show begin (hurry, hurry)
Hurry, hurry, step right up on in
Can’t afford to pass it by
Guaranteed to make you cry
Let the sideshow begin
Hurry, hurry, step right on in
Can’t afford to pass it by
Guaranteed to make you cry
So let the sideshow begin (hurry, hurry)
Hurry, hurry, step right on in
Can’t afford to pass it by
Guaranteed to make you cry
Fortunately, after I listened to the song a few times, it made me laugh hysterically. Who the hell sits down and writes such a depressing song?!
Remember to vote for me for “The Best Humor Blog” in the Blogger Awards!
Neilochka: Help me, I’m Jewish! Why am I on this weird guy’s lap?
Santa Claus: Now listen very carefully, young Jewish Neilochka. One day, you will have a “blog.” I know you don’t know what that means right now. But you will. Right before Christmas, you should have a Holiday Concert right ON THE BLOG. Take my word for it. Chicks REALLY dig guys who throw Holiday concerts!
Have a wonderful day filled with love and joy. No Christmas is complete with music. So, if you haven’t checked it out yet, why not listen (or listen again) to some of your blogging friends creating some special Holiday memories?!
Happy Holidays! The Christmahanukwanzaakah Holiday concert will be re-broadcast on Christmas Day, so feel free to send me any new material if you missed today’s deadline, whether it be audio, video or Holiday photos.
