the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Category: Jewish (Page 5 of 8)

Blogmatcher, Blogmatcher

match2.jpg 

Hodel, oh Hodel,
Have I made a match for you!
He’s handsome, he’s young!
Alright, he’s 62.

Being a Yenta the Blogmatcher was WAY more complicated then I thought.   My apologies if you are not in one of the pairings.  Some of you are easier to match up than others  — and remember, I’m a newbie matchmaker.  I’m  hoping some of you will try to make some blog matches from your own readers either here or on your own site.

Matching bloggers is as every bit as difficult as matching a real couple.  You want the pair to have common interests, but you don’t want them to be SO similar that there is no spark — no chemistry, as if they are brother and sister reading each other’s blogs.  On the other hand, you just don’t want it to be all blog lust.  Many bloggers begin a friendship by devouring each other’s words as passionately as lovers, but then it explodes when one blogger wants more of a “blogroll relationship” and the other just wants a “one post stand.”

I hope each person matched will try to read each other’s blog.

Neilochka’s Matches

fleur.jpg

Sarah (of The Delicious Life) is a sarcastic “food freak” from Los Angeles.  Her adventures dining out at exotic restaurants are more like stories than restaurant reviews.  

Deb (of Smitten Kitchen) is a food-lover in Manhattan.  Deb thrives on being a hands-on gal who enjoys cooking and baking.  One look at the photos of her soups and breads and you’re going to be starving.

Sarah, meet Deb.  Deb, meet Sarah.

fleur.jpg

Bookfraud (of Bookfraud) is a self-described “struggling novelist facing middle age.”  He loves reading the great masters and cursing at today’s hack writers who with their crappy novels (that sold).

The Humanity Critic (of Daily Views) lives in Virginia Beach and is the winner (along with Manjula) of the 2006 Black Weblog Awards for best writing.   The Critic loves to rant and rave about pop and hip hop. 

This pairing may seem odd, but think Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy in “48 Hours.”  Bookfraud and the Humanity Critic both skewer the pompous, and always with great humor.

Bookfraud, meet The Humanity Critic.   The Humanity Critic, meet Bookfraud.

fleur.jpg

Rachel (of Crisis Intervention Summit) is a British mother and writer.  She presides over a staff of twenty at a bar.  Since most of these bar girls are young, Rachel has become the “mother” figure.  This is surprising, since Rachel can party as well as any twenty year old.

Chantel (of Uncharacteristically Sober) is a divorced mother of two from Portland who is “a cool cocktail mix with a serving of Lucille Ball, a splash of Carrie Bradshaw and a Mae West Twist.”  She loves to enjoy life as much as Rachel, but has recently been thrust into talking to her children about “the birds and the bees.”

Rachel, meet Chantel.   Chantel, meet Rachel.

fleur.jpg

Paul (of Words for My Enjoyment) is a writer known for his quirky comic sense of humor and his outlandish post topics, such as “If I Was Your Sister’s Best Friend’s Brother’s Cousin’s Cell-Mate’s Overly-Enthusiastic And Partially Egotistical Tennis Instructor.”

Karla (of Karlababble) is a Texan Blogger who has a personality as big as a ten-gallon hat.  Her interest include “spying on the elderly” and “poking children with sticks.”

I have a feeling that these two will drive each other crazy, which is part of the fun.

Paul, meet Karla.  Karla, meet Paul.

fleur.jpg

Heather B (of No Pasa Nada) is a single JD Salenger-loving Washington DC resident who graduated college in 2005.   Now she’s figuring out what life is really all about post-college.

Girlgoyle (of Chronicles of Ed) dedicated 10 years to a man in a relationship that went kaput.  She’s moved on and is now trying to figure out the mystery of love and sex.

Heather B, meet Girlgoyle.  Girlgoyle, meet Heather.

fleur.jpg

CrankMama (of CrankMama) is what they call a mommyblogger, but not your ordinary mommyblogger.  Her motto is “Good Mama, Bad Attitude.”  Despite her role as “mom,” she doesn’t forget that she has a life outside of her kids. 

Jenny (of Run Jen Run) is a vivacious single woman in the big city, sort of a like a modern Mary Tyler Moore, except this is in Chicago, Jenny is not as idealistic, and Jenny doesn’t have a hat to throw into the air.  Her life is one funny adventure after another, much like Mary…

CrankMama, meet Jenny.   Jenny, meet CrankMama.

fleur.jpg

Eliza (of Elizaf) is a mother who lives in London and has a “wicked” sense of humor.   Although she loves her life, she sometimes gets restless and dreams of doing something a little more wild, such as fencing, like she did in college, or bungee jumping.

Karl (of Secondhand Tryptophan) is a divorced father living in Florida.   Recently, he turned 40 and undertook a serious of adventures to celebrate his new decade, one of them being jumping out of an airplane.

Eliza, meet Karl.  Karl, meet Eliza. 

fleur.jpg

Javacurls (of Somewhere in the Middle) is what we used to call in Queens a “hot-blooded Latina.”   Born in the Bronx, Javacurls never pictured herself living in Belgium with her husband!  She loves travel, city life, and salsa music.  She is an amazing photographer and dreams of becoming a professional.

Alison (of AliThinks)  lived most of her life in France.  She never pictured herself living with the love of her life in Kentucky!  At first glance, Alison seems too “WASPy” for Javacurls, but Ali can surprise you, as evidenced by her recent piercings.   She is also a marvelous photographer.

Javacurls, meet Alison.  Alison, meet Javacurls.

fleur.jpg

Dashiell (of Precogs) is a New Yorker (via Michigan) who is into politics and music. 

Darling Nikki (of Imperfect Like Us) can be found “spinning some discs” on KZYX, a public radio station in Medocino County, California.

Dashiell, meet Darling Nikki.  Darling Nikki, meet Dashiell.

fleur.jpg

Colleen (of Communicatrix) is a blogger from Los Angeles.  Lately, her blog has gone into some rather odd territory, including a 21-day salute to cleaning her apartment.

Abby (of Girl With a One-Track Mind) is popular sex-blogger from the UK.  Her posts are often about orgasms and f**k-buddies. 

Colleen needs to be reminded that some things will always be messy and unorganized, such as sex.   Abby, who was recently “outed” after her book was published, could gain some management and business insights from Colleen.

Colleen meet Abby.   Abby, meet Colleen.

fleur.jpg

The PhoenixNYC (of Skinny Legs and All) is a New York blogger who has travelled the word and his “greatest achievement in life was to change and grow as time has gone on.”  Just last week he went to a seminar where he studied with the Dalai Lama!

Modigli (of Modigli) is a teacher in San Deigo.   Since starting her blog, she has become increasingly political, bringing up issues that concern her.

Do I see a match made in Whole Foods?

The PhoenixNYC,  meet Modigli.  Modigli, meet The PhoenixNYC.

fleur.jpg

Sarcastic Fringehead is a writer in Dallas who loves literature and the Houston Astros.  Fictional Rockstar is an academic-musician in Washington D.c. who loves literature and recently started loving the Washington Nationals.

Luckily, these two bloggers will never have to worry about their teams playing against each other in the playoffs, avoiding all arguments.

Sarcastic Fringehead, meet Fictional Rockstar.  Fictional Rockstar, meet Sarcastic Fringehead.

fleur.jpg

Heather (of Dooce) is a popular SAHM who was raised as a Mormon and once lived in Los Angeles.

Neilochka (of Citizen of the Month) is known as a Jewish blogger from Los Angeles.  He likes to match bloggers together in the hope of looking “noble and selfless” to his flighty readers, so they feel all guilty and don’t take him off their blogroll. 

Heather, meet Neil.  Neil, meet Heather.

fleur.jpg

Would anyone else like to take a shot at being a Yenta the Blogmatcher?

UPDATE:  I’ve been so successful today, I’m adding some more:

Danny and 2 Blowhards — you should be reading each other. 

Jessica, have you met V-Grrrl, a mother and  American expatriate living in Belgium?  V-Grrrl, can you believe that this knockout has teenage children?!

Sarcomical, you are a creative writer — have you met Eileen, who has her first novel coming out in February 2007?  Eileen, you must check out Sarcomical’s wild photographic self-portraits.

Pearl, have you met Orieyenta, the coolest kosher babe in hot Miami?  Orieyenta, have you met the hottest kosher babe in cold Toronto? 

Felicity, I know you like taking NSFW photos of yourself, which made it difficult to pair you with someone, but I think you’ll really get along with the Argentine-born Mari, and enjoy her artwork, which is an “expression of feminine power in art.”  Mari, I think you will be inspired by Felicity.

Kevin, I think you and Pete have similar senses of humor!  Pete, you better start watching “24” if you want to click with Kevin!

Amanda and Jody — you have more in common than you know!

Deezee and Lynn — you both have poetry in your soul!

Schmutzie and Sarah — Have you never met?  You’re like long-lost cousins!

Miss Sizzle, meet EEK.

Tara, meet Brooke.

Anomie-Atlanta, meet Akaky.

P.S. — Since we are on the subject of blogger love, here is one of the most moving acts I’ve seen on the blogosphere, proving that we’re not a bunch of narcissistic nuts –  over 200 knitting and crocheting bloggers have joined forces to make knitting squares on their own time for the sick grandmother of knitting blogging queen Laurie of Crazy Aunt Purl.  If only Congress could be so organized.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  A Walk Around the Block

Yenta the Matchmaker for the Day

Yenta2.jpg 

In the old-country, Jewish marriages were arranged by matchmakers.  Perhaps the most famous Jewish matchmaker was Yenta.  Yenta was the name of the matchmaker in Sholom Aleichem’s stories, several of which were collected into what became the musical “Fiddler on the Roof.”   The word “yenta” has taken on negative connotations in the modern word, and it is usually used to describe a “busybody.”

I’d like to defend the good name of matchmakers.  Being a busybody was part of the job.  A matchmaker HAD to sneak around and ask a lot of questions because she was a detective — always looking for clues that would help her make the best match.   In the Jewish tradition, it is also a mitzvah (good deed) to help make a successful match.

(from Matchmaker, Matchmaker — Fiddler on the Roof) 

Hodel:
Well, somebody has to arrange the matches,
Young people can’t decide these things themselves.

Chava:
She might bring someone wonderful—-

Hodel:
Someone interesting—-

Chava:
And well off—-

Hodel:
And important—

Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match

I’d like to revive the spirit of Yenta the Matchmaker right here on this blog — on these special days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.   Tomorrow, Thursday, will be a special day on “Citizen of the Month.”  Tomorrow, we shall all become Yenta the Matchmakers. 

yenta.jpg

I will be making blog matches between 10 pairs of bloggers.   These are not romantic pairings.  These are pairs of bloggers who I have never seen read each other’s material (I’ll check their blogrolls), but I think should give each other a try.  Using an ancient technique passed down from my grandmother, I will try to match bloggers by their sensibilities and interests. 

Recently I was successful in introducing Danny and Elisabeth to each other.  At first glance, they have nothing in common.  But a true matchmaker realizes that they are both brainy bloggers with a twisted sense of humor.   Now they are on each other’s blogrolls.  

This is not easy for me.  I do have a jealous streak.   I used to get upset when my “blogging friends” became friends with each other.   One day, I’ll be reading Blogger X and I’ll be surprised to see my friend Blogger Y writing a comment.  Before you know it, Blogger X and Blogger Y are taking a trip to Las Vegas together, without even sending me a postcard.

But the week before Yom Kippur is one of reflection and self-improvement.  I’m going to fight my jealousy and spread the love.   So, if I match you up with someone, give their blog a chance.  I know matchmaking is not a perfect science. 

Please join in tomorrow with some matchmaking of your own, maybe even mix and matching blogrolls.   Are you the type who is always saying, “These two bloggers really need to read EACH OTHER!”   If so, tomorrow is your chance to do a mitzvah by becoming a Yenta the Matchmaker for the day.

Update:  The matches.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  A Shanda (Yiddish for Shame)  (I really get Jewish at this time of the year, don’t I?)

 

His Fiddler on Her Roof

fiddler2.jpg 

Tevye is in the kitchen blogging.  Golde comes in, wearing her nightdress.

Golde:  “Tevye, enough with the blogging.  It’s time to go to bed.  You have work tomorrow.  You’re not a rich man.”

Tevye:  “I know, Golde… I know… let me just finish this post about Israel.”

Golde:  “Tevye, what is it with every post lately being about the Jews?  You used to write interesting posts, about other subjects… like sex.”

Tevye:  “Hold on… hold on… another anti-Semitic comment on my last post.  I need to answer this jerk before I go to bed…”

Golde:  (singing)  “Tevye, do you love me?”

Tevye:  “What?”

Golde:  “Do you love me?”

Tevye:  “What kind of question is that?
(singing)  For all these years, I’ve been with you
Ate with you, laughed with you
Slept with you, blogged with you
After all these years, why talk about love now?”

Golde:  “Tevye, do you love me?”

Tevye:  “Of course I do!”

Tevye stands facing Golde, and guides her slowly to the floor.  He moves under her long nightdress, his beard gently rubbing her inner thighs.  Tevye guides his mouth to Golde’s pussy.  Golde moans as Tevye flicks his tongue inside, tasting her juices. 

Golde:  “Oh, Tevye, you’re always so good at making me come!”

Tevye:   “Tradition!  Tradition!”

 

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  My Entry to the Vanity Fair Essay Competition

Letter to Paris #2

Dear Tara,

As I sign of peace in a political world, I will not link to articles that insinuate that Islam is a religion of violence, because that is something I strongly detest when I see it written by conservatives.   How about you refrain from linking to articles that state that “the Jewish fundamentalist belief of being God’s chosen people has allowed Israel to believe it can do as it will?”

As I wrote in your comments:

“While I believe the Palestinian leadership and the Arab world bear much of the responsibility for the problems in the middle east — along with Israel — and I particularly blame Iran for arming Hezbollah to the teeth in this current conflict (they sent off a drone today that neared Tel Aviv), I would never say that Arab violence comes out of the religion of Islam.

So, I hope you will agree with me that the statement that the central Jewish concept of “the chosen people” means they can “do as they will” is completely horrendous, and a total misinterpretation of what it is about — moral duty, not superiority. The concept of the chosen people is completely bound to the idea of keeping the commandments that bring a people closer to God. For a journalist to use the “chosen people” line as an explanation for Israel’s entry into Lebanon smacks of the most abhorent anti-Semitism.

If Jews really believe that they were chosen as a ‘superior’ people who can do as they will, they would be the most stupid people that ever existed, especially after being driven from their homeland, forced to wander the world for centuries, made to live like second class citizens, tortured, and murdered by both Muslim and Christian. What luck to be so chosen!”

March to the Same Drummer

party2.jpg 

Throughout my life, I’ve frequently avoided getting involved in social groups, mostly out of insecurity.  I think my fear was that if I became a member of a “clique,” that I would lose my individuality.  Maybe I felt that I was too susceptible to peer pressure.  If  kids wore Adidas, I wanted Adidas.  If kids wore Reeboks, I suddenly wanted Reeboks.   If friends smoked pot, I smoked pot.  But deep down, I never found myself comfortable being part of a group.  During college, I didn’t join a fraternity.  It was easier to hang out with “outsiders,” or just be by myself.

Despite my fear of groups, I’ve always been impressed by those who choose to be a member of one, but are confident enough to still express their individual opinions — even if these ideas are different than everyone else in that group. 

Even if one doesn’t agree with Connecticut Senator Joseph Lieberman’s decision to back the war in Iraq, I have to give him credit for going against the grain of the Democratic Party.  Of course, last night he was punished for his betrayal.  His party voted in inexperienced businessman Ned Lamont.  I don’t know much about Lamont, but Lieberman had a decent voting record on most domestic issues, even if he was hawkish in international affairs.  It looks like Iraq may be the new lithmus test for the Democratic Party.

Frankly, it reminds me a bit of  “The Lord of the Flies,” where a group member is not allowed to think differently than the rest of the group — without being ostracized.

As the fighting continues in Lebanon, this group-speak is in evidence everywhere.  The minute any type of spokesperson is on TV, I know exactly what they are going to say.  American Jews support Israel pretty much all the time, while Arabs and leftist Europeans cannot find one nice thing to say about Israel, damning the nation as being a Western oppressor while romanticizing the savage brutality of a group like Hezbollah.

I was not surprised to see “We are all Hizbullah now,” on one of the banners at the Stop the War coalition’s London march.

That’s why I’m impressed with those who are brave enough to speak their mind — even if I disagree with what they say.

In Sunday’s Sydney Morning Herald, Andrew Benjamin, a professor at the University of Technology in Sydney, wrote an interesting op-ed piece titled “Israel does not act or speak for every Jew.”  In it, the Jewish professor criticizes other Jews for identifying Judaism too closely with the secular state of Israel. 

“I WRITE as a Jew and as a synagogue member. I write as one whose academic work continues to move through questions of Jewish identity and the legacy of the Holocaust. Yet, I write with a growing sense of shame. The source of the feeling is simple: Israel claims that it continues to act in my name.”

I don’t personally believe this, but I give this guy credit for following the beat of his own drummer.  Not every Jew has to think the same as me.

Unfortunately, I can’t help but wonder how Professor Benjamin will be treated in his temple next Saturday.  I have a feeling he’s not going to be asked to carry the Torah any day soon.  I’m hoping the temple members will be tolerant to those with differing opinions.

Although most of my politics tend to be “progressive,” I think that the left is as intolerant as the right.   I wouldn’t be surprised if half my readership would disappear if I said gays shouldn’t get married.  (they should!  they should!  whew…)

Joschka Fischer is an icon to many in Europe.  A leader of Germany’s environmentally-minded Green Party, he was Germany’s foreign minister from 1998-2005.   He became a hero to the anti-war movement when he snubbed United States Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld at the February 2003 international security conference in Munich.

Recently, Fischer wrote an editorial about the war in Lebanon titled “Now is the Time to Think Big.”  In the piece, Fischer blames radical Islam for the current conflict:

The current war in Lebanon is not a war by the Arab world against Israel; rather, it is a war orchestrated by the region’s radical forces – Hamas and Islamic Jihad among the Palestinians and Hizbullah in Lebanon, together with Syria and Iran – that fundamentally rejects any settlement with Israel.

Conflict was sought for three reasons: first to ease pressure on Hamas from within the Palestinian community to recognise Israel; second to undermine democratisation in Lebanon, which was marginalising Syria; and thirdly to lift attention from the emerging dispute over the Iranian nuclear programme and demonstrate to the west the “tools” at its disposal in the case of conflict.

His ideas are not especially controversial, but they were upsetting to many in the European left, who see Israel as a colonial power.  In one swoop, this iconic Green Party leader was insulted on progressive and green party blogs.  He was called fat, lazy, and a sellout only interested in getting speaking engagements in the United States. 

Again, I’m not as much interested in the politics as I am in the intolerance of groups for anything but the “accepted” point of view.   Who would ever want to voice their opinion in an environment like that?

It makes me glad that I didn’t join a fraternity.

 

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  Real Celebrity Encounters

 

Mel Gibson Requests Meeting with Neilochka!

sandwich2.jpg

In a move that has taken Hollywood by surprise, Mel Gibson has requested a meeting with a Los Angeles-based blogger, Neil Kramer, the writer of the popular blog, “Citizen of the Month.”

In a public statement, Mr. Gibson stated:

“I am not a bigot. Hatred of any kind goes against my faith. I’m not just asking for forgiveness. I would like to take it one step further, and meet with leaders in the Jewish community, with whom I can have a one on one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing.”

As a leader in the Jewish blogger community, Neilochka was at first stunned by this request.

“I’m not exactly sure what to say to him. I mean if he’s not a bigot, what’s really the point of meeting with Jews like me? I guess we can always talk about how much I liked “Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior””

Neilochka’s big concern was that if they meet at a restaurant, which of the two of them was actually going to pick up the tab.

“I already have a reputation on my blog for being a bit of a cheapskate, even using half-price coupons at ‘Chicago for Ribs’ with Sophia . I certainly don’t want him to think of this as a ‘Jewish’ thing.”

This would not be the first time Neilochka had some interaction with the famed movie star.

“When I was at USC Film School, I used to do script analysis over at Icon Productions, his film company. I once passed Mr. Gibson in the hall at the movie studio, but we never had an opportunity to talk or trade ethnic slurs.”

Neilochka suggested that the two former co-workers meet at Canter’s Jewish Deli in Los Angeles for their historic meeting.

“I think once he tastes their excellent corned beef sandwich, Mel’s whole attitude towards Jews will change for the better.”

After Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitic rants were recently made public, Neilochka was adamant that Hollywood should blacklist the actor because he’s an anti-Semite and a plain nasty person. However, on hearing about the upcoming meeting with Mr. Gibson, Neilochka’s resolve seemed to waver.

“I still find Mel Gibson a disgusting person. But just in case we hit it off, I’m bringing a copy of an old script to show him. It’s a buddy action/road movie about this gruff New York cop and this crazy rabbi who’s running from the mob. I call it… “Lethal Shlepin’.”

Mel Gibson Arrested for DUI

lethal.jpg 

INT.  LOST HILLS SHERIFF’S STATION – LOS ANGELES – NIGHT

Mel Gibson, still drunk off his ass, is sitting in his cell, mumbling to himself about the f**king Jews.  Suddenly Danny Glover comes bursting in through the door.

Mel:  “Danny, what the f**k?”

Danny:  “Partners forever, my Lethal Weapon friend.  Let’s get out of here.  I rigged the place.  It’s gonna blow.”

Mel and Danny jump out the window and the entire jail explodes. 

Mel:  “Thanks, Danny.”

Danny:  “We have to get out of here… and fast.  The Sheriff’s Department can’t cover-up your anti-Semitic rants forever.”

Mel:    “F**k those Jew-loving cops.  I would OWN Malibu if that Yenta Barbra Streisand didn’t already own it.  Let’s go over to Nobu in Malibu for some sake and sushi.”

Danny:  “Maybe we should hide out in my place until things calm down.”

Mel:  Yeah, we can pick up some ebony hookers.  Sugar tits, here comes the Passion of the Dick!”

Danny shakes his head sadly.

Danny:  “I’m getting too old for this shit!”

Mel:  No, you’re not, Danny.  You’re one motherf***ing good black dude!  As long as you’re not a fag.  You’re not one of those that take it up the arse, are you?”

Danny:  Why do I always have to be the responsible, by-the-book buddy and you always the crazy loose cannon?

Mel:  “It’s those f**king Jew screenwriters!”

mel.jpg
from police report

The story on TMZ.com.

Update:  Mel apologizes.  The “I was drunk” excuse.  Jeez, funny, but when I get drunk, which is very very rare, I sing dirty songs, but I never blurt out ethnic slurs!

The Unveiling

akramer1.jpg 

Blogging is probably not going to make most of us rich or famous.  But it is a great way of meeting wonderful people.   When my father passed away in September, I shared the experience with my new blogger friends.   A few months later, I wrote about my dissatisfaction with my father’s traditional funeral service, feeling that he was more quirky and original than any rabbi’s eulogy could express. 

I think this may be the first time in the history of the blogosphere that bloggers helped influence what is engraved on the stone of a blogger’s late father.  

This week was my father’s “unveiling.”  At first my mother was a little shocked at seeing the empty side of the stone reserved for her.  I can imagine how weird that must have felt, even though she intends to hang around to nag me until she’s 120!  But all in all, my mother was very happy with the stone, especially with the addition of my father’s favorite way of saying good-bye, “Be of Good Cheer.”

akramer2.jpg

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  Just Like Dad

Passover Joke

moses2_2.jpg

For months, Moses has been telling the Israelites that he’s going to get them out of Egypt and lead them to the Promised Land.   But ever since Moses got involved, the Pharoah isn’t budging, and the overseers are only making them work harder.

The Israelites, kvetchy by nature, are getting annoyed.

One of the Israelites goes to Moses and says, "So, nu?  What’s going on?"

"Don’t worry," says Moses.    "God is gonna get us out of here."

"Yeah, like how?"

Moses looks up towards the sky. 

"If the Pharoah doesn’t give in, God will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs."

"Oh, boy," says the guy sarcastically.  "Like that’s gonna really work with the stubborn Pharoah."

"Believe me," says Moses.  "If the Pharoah resists that, God will smite Egypt with a plague of locusts."

The guy remains skeptical. 

"The Pharoah’s no wuss.  You think he’s just  going to give in because of some bugs."

Finally, Moses gets a little peeved. 

"Listen, you stiff-necked nudnick,  why don’t you trust me?  God will get us out of Egypt."

"OK, so let’s say he gets us out of Egypt.  What happens when we get to the Red Sea?"
 
"God will part the waters of the Red Sea to open your path to the Promised Land."

The Israelite scratches his head. 

"If God can do all that, why doesn’t he just walk us out of here without going through this whole big rigamarole?"

Moses nods in agreement.

"I know.  I know.  I asked God the same thing.  But it seems like He’s a bit of a drama queen."

Easter vs. Passover 2006: The Grudge Match

matzohball_roll.jpg
(Easter eggs vs. Passover matzoh balls)

Yes, it’s that time of the year again as Jews and Christians battle it out for Spring Holiday of the Year.

Let the Games Begin!

1)  HOLIDAY CANDY  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

ecandy2.jpg

Marshmellow Peeps  (-10)
Cadbury Mini Eggs  (+12)

pcandy1.jpg

Fruit slices (+5)
Barton’s Kosher for Passover Chocolates  (-15)

HOLIDAY CANDY WINNER:  EASTER!

2)  HOLIDAY CAKE  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

ebread.jpg

Hot Cross Buns  (+25)
Assorted Easter Cakes  (+50)

pbread1.jpg

Streit’s Macaroons  (-150)
Passover Cakes (-100)

HOLIDAY CAKE WINNER:  EASTER!

3)  HOLIDAY MEAL  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

emeal1.jpg

Glazed Ham  (-150)
Leg of Lamb  (-50)
Vegetables   (+50)

pmeal1.jpg

Brisket (+150)
Matzo Kugel  (+75)
Gefilte Fish (-25)
Matzo Ball Soup (+350)

HOLIDAY MEAL WINNER: PASSOVER!

4)  HOLIDAY FUN  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

eplay.jpg

Making Easter Eggs (+30)
Rolling Easter Eggs  (+3)

pplay.jpg

Finding the Afikomen [hidden matzo] and making money (+100)

HOLIDAY FUN WINNER: PASSOVER!

5)  HOLIDAY “SURPRISE” GUEST  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

pguest.jpg

The Easter Rabbit (+20)

pguest2.jpg

Elijah showing up to the seder to drink his “glass of wine.” (-1)

HOLIDAY “SURPRISE GUEST” WINNER: EASTER!

6)  HOLIDAY MOVIE  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

emovie.jpg

“The Passion of the Christ” — a violent and depressing movie (-25)

movie2.jpg

“The Ten Commandments” — old-school epic with lots of action and sex. (+140)

HOLIDAY MOVIE WINNER:  PASSOVER!

7)  HOLIDAY “HOT DATE”  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

Heidi2.jpg

Bringing Heidi Klum to your Easter Dinner.   (+100)

barb1.jpg

Bringing Barbra Streisand to you Passover Seder. (+550)

HOLIDAY “HOT DATE” WINNER: PASSOVER!

« Older posts Newer posts »
Social media & sharing icons powered by UltimatelySocial