***Written on Christmas Eve.
If you’re in pain, searching Google on the subject of “How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex and Move On With Your Life,” and you ended up here, at this blog — tough luck, my friend.
You’ll be getting no advice from me.
Oh sure, I could spout some obvious clichés about seeing friends or focusing on hobbies, which is what you were probably expecting, but c’mon, you already know that shit, right? You don’t need me to repeat it for your benefit.
Believe me, I was once like you, and I don’t mean five years ago. I mean FIVE MINUTES AGO when I was searching Google for “How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex and Move On With Your Life.” And what did I find? Mostly poorly written advice columns that seem to exist solely for internet traffic. Yes, a few of these posts were written by writers once heartbroken themselves, but the trauma was always back years ago, when these individuals were naive and immature, and who now are self-actualized adults able to share their experiences as experts to help others, if you buy that.
Let me say it again, just in case you are still reading this. I cannot help you. I am useless for that. I’m expert-less. I’m in the same situation as you, and only making things worse by the minute. I’m writing this on Christmas Eve, which is already a loaded time for melancholy. I’m sulking, boring my friends, and annoying my ex with too many emails. Everything wrong.
What I can share with you is that, just a few minutes ago, I was searching for a post exactly like the one you are reading right now, written by someone who was hurting NOW, as he wrote it, so his words had some urgency. I wanted to find someone who I could relate to, so I could say to myself, “Look, there is another person feeling like a desperate idiot. Maybe I’m normal after all.”
Now, I know how the internet works. You might be reading this ten years from now. I will probably be completely happy by then, married to a wonderful woman. But the words that are on this page will exist here forever in pain, in full nakedness, the NOW still alive, in 2026, as vividly as it was on Christmas Eve, 2016. Feel the anxiety and tears flowing from my fingertips into my laptop into the internet and into your consciousness. I know how you feel right NOW. Feel it. Cry if you need it.
I have no advice.
You might be a teenager dealing with first love. Ha Ha, that’s the worst. I’m not a teenager. I’m a mature man who has been around the block and endured a few breakups, even a divorce. I’m gonna break it to you now. You will make the same mistakes when you are my age. If you are sixteen, as I once was, you are going to be shocked to learn that at fifty, you’re still going to want love and sex. You’re never going to be able to completely control your emotions. That’s right. Your parents still want to be in love. Your parents like sex. A lot. Live with it.
I’ve been lucky so far to have avoided the severe post-breakup misery that we see so frequently in movies, plays, and books. My divorce was hard, but there was a long stretch of on-again, off-again separation with us that created more of a slow-burn than an amputation. With other girlfriends, it was mutual, or the obstacles seemed so overwhelming that we cried, then accepted the inevitable. There have been friends who I’ve lusted after, and Tinder dates who have rejected me. I’ve always managed to overcome the disappointment pretty quickly. I’m good at making sure that logic always takes precedence over emotion.
My current situation is unique. I’ve never been where I wanted more from a woman, but the other wanted to move on. It sucks.
I can’t verbalize exactly why this feels different, but I can feel it in my bones We were friends for a long time, and constantly chatted and called, several times a day. Social media is great for instant access, but has its dark side. When you break-up with someone, you are forced to see the tweets about her new boyfriend. You have to be a strong and adjusted man to find joy in the romantic happiness of your ex-girlfriend when you are still feeling emotion.
Again, I can give you no advice. There is no one to blame. I’ve made some mistakes and I’ve been super-hard on myself. It is Christmas Eve and I imagine everyone is happy except for myself. What did I do wrong? Maybe I can change her mind? Maybe I should just call her, as a friend, just to say hello? What if her boyfriend is there? Wouldn’t that be awkward? Maybe I should do it anyway?
This is all crazy.
But it also normal.
Maybe you are doing the same sort of shit.
That’s why I googled “How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex and Move On With Your Life.” I wanted this post. Not someone trying to sell me an e-book, but to hear another temporary basket-case expressing the exact craziness that I felt.
What do you do when you lose not only a girlfriend, but someone who has been your best friend? How can she — so quickly — find someone else? Didn’t “we” have any meaning?
Sorry, suckers. No answers. I only have the same questions as you.
Time heals.
OK, so maybe I just did give you some advice there.
Say it again. Out loud. Time heals. You don’t believe it. I Know you don’t believe it. I don’t believe it either, and I’m the one fucking writing it. But it is true. Because I believe in science. And this is science talking. I believe in climate change. I believe the earth goes around the sun. So I have to believe that time truly heals.
OK, here is another bit of practical advice. Block her on social media. For now. Maybe soon, you can become friends again. But right now, it’s going to be so hard to see her words and photos.
I know you are thinking that it isn’t necessary. That this is for the weak. That you aren’t a crybaby pussy. That a real man can endure it. It’s only Facebook. Just forget it. You’re not being weak by blocking her on Facebook for awhile. You’re a fucking human.
In the beginning of December, I blocked my very first person on Facebook. It was a Trump supporter. It was a big deal to me because I’ve always taken pride in listening closely to those who I disagree with politically. This guy, however, was getting personally insulting. After much thought, I decided that he crossed a sacred boundary, and I blocked him.
Now, at the end of December, I am blocking my second person, for a completely different reason. I miss her, and our daily texts and conversations, and it is too painful to see her with someone else. I’m glad she is happy, but hate it at the same time. Sorry, the truth. Emotional truth.
You should do the same. Block her. For now.
As for other advice on “How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex and Move On With Your Life?”
I have nothing.
Good luck to you.
