“Thanks for driving me to the airport,” said Jonathan.
“No problem,” replied his friend, Bobby. “It’s too bad that you’re going on this business trip to Paris alone. Â I hear it’s a romantic place.”
“Oh, I’m not going alone.”
“You’re not.”
“Physically, maybe, But mentally, I’m going on a tour bus filled with the women in my life.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Well, first, there’s my wife. Â She’s mad at me because she’s stuck home dealing with Junior’s soccer schedule while I’m going to France.”
“OK, I can see that.”
“There’s also my ex-wife who called me last week, pissed that we never went to Paris during our marriage, and only honeymooned in Napa. Â “Maybe things could have been different if I wasn’t so cheap back then,” she said.””
“That’s cold.”
“And then there’s Natalie.”
“You’re girlfriend from the office?”
“Yeah. Â She won’t sext with me anymore because I’ve ruined her ultimate fantasy of the two of us walking by the Seine at night, side by side, as the voice of Edith Piaf surrounds us like a warm Givenchy coat.”
“Surely she can understand that this is a business trip.”
“And now there is Ellie.”
“Who’s Ellie?”
“She’s my next door neighbor. Â Divorced. Â She put a note under my windshield wiper last night saying that if I brought her along to Paris and took her to this five star Michelin-rated restaurant she read about in the New York Times she would give me the best blowjob of my life.”
“That would be an expensive blowjob. Â Is she worth it?”
“Uh… probably. Â But I’m there for BUSINESS, not pleasure.”
“Damn, this is getting to be one crowded tour bus.”
“There’s more.  At six o’clock this morning, my mother called, reminding me to bring a hat, because she checked the temperature in France online, and it’s suppose to be brisk when I go up the Eiffel Tower.”
“Yeah. Apparently you aren’t going alone.”
“Paris seems to have some sort of meaning for women. Â I don’t quite get it. Â I’m just excited to go there and see where they chopped off the head of Robespierre.”
“Exactly! Â So jealous!”
Tell everyone to go to the back of the bus, and put yourself in the driver’s seat.
I hope the wifi is readily available, I will be watching IG. I wish you a wonderful time. Believe it or not, I’ve never been in love with Paris. Pick any Italian city and I’ll melt.