Have you ever wondered exactly WHO is reading your blog? I don’t mean your stats, but the demographics of your readership. This information can be useful for your advertisers, including mine, once I actually get some. I’m quite interested in learning more about you, so please take my first ever DEMOGRAPHIC survey. If you feel uncomfortable answering some of the questions in the comments, please email me with the answers. Your answers are safe with me. My mother taught me that gossiping is a sin.
Demographic Information:
Please choose one answer from each category —
Sex: Male, Female, Transgender
Age: under 21, 21-30, 30-40, 40-50, over 50
Religion: Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Mormon, Atheist, Scientologist, Mennonite (for Schmutzie), Other Weird One
Political Affiliation: Bush-hater, Bush-lover, Unconcerned
Ancilliary Questions:
Are you married or single?
If you are a single female, would you date a man of another religion or color?
If you answered yes, please continue here:
Would you date a man who is separated, but still married?
Would you date a man who is living with his mother after being thrown out of the house by his separated wife?
Would you date a man who has not gone on a “real” date in many many years?
When you date men, how many dates does it take before you usually “put out?”
Do men usually say you are “good in bed?”
If you answered “Yes” to the last question, please continue with this multiple choice question.
How long do you expect the man to “last” in bed?
A) Under three minutes.
B) A half hour.
C) Three hours.
If you chose Choice A, please answer the final multiple choice question.
Imagine you are dating an amazing new man. Imagine you take him to your bedroom after the third date, and you become intimate. What words would best describe this man if during his orgasm, he started to sob uncontrollably, then babbled on about his separated wife for a half hour (10x longer than the actual sex)?
A) Disappointing and Strange
B) Psychotic and Loser
C) Sensitive and Sexy
If you chose Choice C, please email me immediately at neilochka at yahoo dot com for a special prize.
Thank you for taking the survey.
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Summer Radio
ROFL – *Neil*ochka (with the stress on the first syllable of course) – I am married but I would definitely say yes to all these, *if* it meant *you*:
“Would you date a man who is separated, but still married?
Would you date a man who is living with his mother after being thrown out of the house by his separated wife?
Would you date a man who has not gone on a “real†date in many many years?”
For the rest, I will have to e-mail you privately of course!
Living with your mother? With all those offers you got with place to go, you’re living with your mother??? I couldn’t do it. I love my mother, but put us together for more than a few hours and we’re at each others throats.
You lost me on “How long do you expect the man to ‘last’ in bed?”
Thank you for the early morning laugh. Well I think. It currently hurts to laugh so now that I think about it, that might not be such a good thing after all.
I am separated, but still married too – a status to which I have been holding on for 8 1/2 years. But, unfortunately, I also have a very nice boyfriend.
Great survey, though. Hope you get great responses.
Also, yeah, what’s the deal with going to live with your mother? Women are highly suspicious of guys who still live with their moms.
HA! your survey is pretttty wide open for jokes. But, good luck with that. I think your questions would work great for one of those single sites. they’d know exactly what they were getting : )
Male. 34. Protestant. Unconcerned. Single. Long walks on the beach. Sunsets. Kittens. Chainsaws. Nosebleeds. Being spanked by an octopus.
Great survey, Neil! You should totally do another!
neil, i would really have a hard time dating someone that lived with his mother. you know that whole “my mom, washes my clothes, fixes me dinner, and rubs my feet,” scenario.
Finally a good meme!
Female, 46, Excommunicated Catholic, Left Winger, Single but separately living with sons’ father, Yes, No, No, Yes, 2, Yes, B.
C, if I was allowed to answer the last one.
Neil… I noticed that you chart shows that 65% of your readers are female… while only 33.3% are male… do you simply leave room for transgender or “other”?
Additionally, I couldn’t help but notice that your survey is strongly directed at women… the questions could quite easily by changed to fit my answering needs… but still, could support the reason for your 65% female readership.
Gorillabuns — I hear you. I think I might need to rethink this whole “living with Mom” thing. Would it sound better if I said I am taking “room and board” in a boarding house run by a nice older woman?
The simple fact that your mom allows you to live with her tells me that you’re an okay guy. I wouldn’t let MY son live with me because he (even though I totally adore him) is a pain in the ass.
Also, it demonstrates a healthy respect for family relationships. Very important.
But I DO think this would cramp your sex life (yeah, yeah, I know, WHAT sex life, right?). But at least you could say, “Well, I haven’t had sex in a while out of respect for my mother, who lives in the same house with me and probably would NOT appreciate my swinging from the chandelier!”
Oh Neil! Sadly, you’re too far away to date me :-p
Sex: genderqueer cissexual
Age: 30-40
Religion: none
Political Affiliation: Bush-hater
Schmutzie — Your “sex” answer makes you the perfect demographic. Everyone can sell to you!
Should I really answer? I’m going to:
Sex: Female
Age: 21-30 (27)
Religion: Protestant
Political Affiliation: Bush-lover
Ancilliary Questions:
Are you married or single? single
If you are a single female, would you date a man of another religion or color? yes
If you answered yes, please continue here:
Would you date a man who is separated, but still married? maybe
Would you date a man who is living with his mother after being thrown out of the house by his separated wife? but still married? then maybe no
Would you date a man who has not gone on a “real†date in many many years? yes
When you date men, how many dates does it take before you usually “put out?†more than the average:)
Do men usually say you are “good in bed?†I don’t know, I’ll go ask…
Male
30-40 (41 this month)
Protestant
no political affiliation, not a citizen so can’t vote
married
So you are back in NYC? Wow you are the king of self-depreciating humor. Hope you can work things out. Why does marriage have to be so much work?!?!?
Please choose one answer from each category –
Sex: Frequently
Age: Old enough to know better.
Religion: Jewish
Political Affiliation: Independent
Ancilliary Questions:
Are you married or single? Married
That is as much as I can handle of this one.
I’ve fallen behind in blog reading this week — life got in the way — but there’s nothing like reading your blog (backwards at that) to make me laugh, laugh, laugh. Your Alba photo? You’re out of touch by thinking about diapers and I’m out of touch by thinking, “Who the hell is that?”
I hope you keep your sense of humor in the face of the tough times you’re having. For your sake, sure, but mostly for mine!