BlogHer who? Blog about being a Man — July 27-29!
Anything you can do, We can do better!
(nostalgic for BlogHim ’06?)
Month: July 2007 (Page 3 of 3)
“You’re going to go OUT dressed like that?”
“What do you mean? It’s a new dress. A couple of women in the dressing room loved it. I think it’s cute. The salesgirl said I looked really good in it.”
“Of course she said that. It looks like you’re wearing a red bra on the outside of your dress.”
“No, it doesn’t. The red is part of the dress, but that alone would be, um, too small. I’m wearing a black sports bra underneath.”
“Maybe this dress just isn’t for you. I’m serious. It looks like you dressed up when you were still half-asleep and put your bra on top.”
“Neilochka… What do you know about fashion? Besides, if it does look like a red bra – I still like it.”
“Let me ask my readers.  The women are very fashionable.  And the men will get a kick out of thinking they’re seeing you in your bra.”
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I love when it gets hot in L.A., 100 degrees hot, and the AC conks out for those on the 405, and Jesus Gonzalez climbs from his stalled Toyota truck, sweaty and wet, but happy because his radio still works, and his favorite song blasts on Latino 96.3, and the sisters Johnson — Francee and Frenchie from Compton, CA — exit their Hyundai and dance on the hood, stripped to their bras, and the Goodyear Blimp flies overhead, barely seen because the rising heat fogs up the sky like a steam room.Â
“Pump it up, Jesus,” I yell from above.Â
I am the pilot of the Goodyear Blimp. I came to L.A. in ’87 from Phoenix, after my bitter divorce.  “Louder!” I cry, only knowing the song because it is a favorite of Rhonda, the fortyish woman I met at Winchell’s Donuts a few days ago, the woman I left in bed this morning with her nipples still hard, the one I thought about all morning while eating my Egg McMuffin, while reading about the Dodgers, while driving to my job in which I fly the Goodyear Blimp high in the air, over the oven of a city, over the traffic of the 405, over the music blasting from the Toyota truck of Jesus, over the sisters Johnson, dancing in their bras, and while I listen to the beat and the Spanish lyrics that I cannot understand, I swear I can feel Rhonda’s heat still on my fingers.
For Schmutzie, before her surgery:
The World’s Largest Rooster
Shediac, New Brunswick
The new Creation Museum in Kentucky presents a “walk through history.†Designed by a former Universal Studios exhibit director, this state-of-the-art 60,000 square foot museum brings the pages of the Bible to life, and attempts to show an alternative to the “evolutionary” model of history.
Its main competitor, the new Creationist Museum in Redondo Beach, CA, also focuses on the truth of the entire Bible, and uses the science to proves its validity. The highlight of this exciting museum is the interactive Garden of Eden room, which is so realistic, many visitors say that they feel as if they are walking “right through the Bible.”
Text from the Creationist Museum of Redondo Beach exhibit catalog:
“And when the woman saw that the tree was pleasant to the eyes, she took of the forbidden fruit thereof, and did eat, and he did eat of her. And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons, but the aprons didn’t stay on for long as man and woman went on their third date, and the moon was bright, and they were bathing in the warm waters of the river, and man could not hide his growing desire for woman, taken of his own rib, and they lay on the grass as one, and they watched what the animals did, and they immediately did the same.
And God looked down and saw that his children were disobeying him and his anger was strong, and God thought of smiting his children until he saw woman atop of man, a lily in her hair, riding him as if he were a wild goat, and he heard his children, together in unison, dedicating their happiness to him by loud shouts of “Oh God, oh God, ohhhh God!” And then, all of God’s anger disappeared, proud of the wonderful summer activity that he had created for those in the Garden, and honored by all the praise that he was receiving.
And this was the birth of Monotheism, the idea of one God.”
Audio from the first LA Bloggers Reading. (thanks Jenn)
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