Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Month: May 2005 (Page 3 of 5)

What is an Egg Cream?

May 22, 2005 / / 1 Comment

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(photo via Jay’s REAL NYC Egg Cream)

I’ve mentioned drinking an "egg cream" to several people here in Los Angeles, I usually get back blank stares, even from those whose opinion I  trust. 

Here is an excellent description of an egg cream:

This is a phenomenal beverage, and if you have never had a New York Egg Cream then you are truly in for a treat. Let’s start off by explaining what an Egg Cream is (and what it isn’t). First, it was a soda produced almost exclusively in the soda fountains of New York (particularly Brooklyn). Second, there are no eggs in an egg cream. Third, many Egg Creams don’t even contain cream. It does however contain chocolate, seltzer, and either milk, cream, or both. When made correctly, the taste is absolutely wonderful, and completely different than any soda on the market today.

The best way to describe the taste of an Egg Cream is to remember back to when you had an ice cream soda. If you can remember sipping on the straw, once the ice cream had a chance to melt, the wonderful taste of flavors produced by the blending of melted ice cream, chocolate syrup, and seltzer water, would best describe how an Egg Cream taste. There are other chocolate soda beverages on the market, but they all taste like chocolate milk made with water. These do not even come close to the complex and wonderfully delightful taste of an Egg Cream.

According to an article published in Esquire Magazine in the  1970’s, the Egg Cream was invented in 1890 by Louis Auster, a Jewish candy shop owner in Brooklyn, New York. The beverage was extremely popular, and the candy shop (eventually five candy shops) would be standing room only. Lines would form down the street and around the corner, and according to the article, this started a tradition of drinking the egg cream while standing — never sitting.

It’s difficult to find a good egg cream anymore, because you can’t really find "real" seltzer bottles.  The only place I know in Los Angeles with a real soda fountain is the Fair Oaks Pharmacy in south Pasadena.

Here’s a recipe.  (via The World on a Plate)

Handy Guide for Man-Shopping

May 22, 2005 / / 6 Comments

My women friends tell me that Home Depot is a better place to meet single men than any bar.  It seems men just love to talk to a pretty woman about tools.

Now, Wal-Mart is getting into the singles scene. (via Martinis, Persistence, and a Smile)

At at least one store in the United States and throughout Germany, Wal-Mart stores are hosting weekly singles nights, where shoppers looking for romance tie a red ribbon to their carts as they browse for laundry detergent, loofahs and, yes, love.

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So, are retail stores the next Match.com?

As a public service to single women everywhere, here is a handy guide to the five major types of  men and which store to find him in.

Citizen of the Month’s Guide to Men and their Stores

Mr. Dependable

Dependable, loyal, trustworthy, gives practical gifts like a blender for birthday, always pay their bills on time, dull as dishwater, no sense of humor

(store:  Sears)

Mr. Entrepreneur

Corporate, assertive, workaholic, Ivy Leaguer, big spender, unromantic, will sleep with secretary

(store:  Hammacher Schlemmer)

Mr. Self-Made Man

Runs successful blue-collar business, fights for success despite limited education, more comfortable with buddies than women, drunkard

(store:  Home Depot)

Mr. Power Broker

Extremely wealthy, gives his woman the finest things in life, ruthless, opportunist, frequently short and unattractive, sees wife as trophy, lousy in bed

(store:  Neiman-Marcus)

Mr. Artist

Creative, humorous, artsy major in college, intelligent, caring lover, financially hopeless, limited prospects, neurotic, mamma’s boy

(store:  independent coffee bar, not Starbucks)

Ladies, good luck!

Bikini Girl Sells Body on Ebay

May 22, 2005 / / 1 Comment

(via Adrants)

Twenty one year old college student Courtney Van Dunk from New Jersey closed on an eBay auction yesterday that promised to place a sponsors temporary tattoos on her abdomen while she’s out and about strutting her hotness for drooling by passers to ogle. While the $11,300 offer was retracted and her site pulled by eBay because she linked to other sites featuring her, Van Dunk says the offer is still open and has placed another auction on eBay.

Didn’t I make a joke about someone doing this just two weeks ago, never imagining that anyone would actually do it?   Darn!  I should have gotten a copyright on the concept. 

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(Ms. Van Dunk on Ebay)

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(my original concept on imaginary
girlfriend)

Is it just the approaching summer, or do I seem to be finding excuses for doing stories about women in bikinis?

UPDATE JUly 3, 2005 —

Of course, it was inevitable that some woman would raise the stakes by tattooing the name of a gambling site on her forehead for $10,000.

My Man Date with Rob and Kai

May 21, 2005 / / 2 Comments

My friends, Rob and Satomi, have a beautiful baby boy, Kai.  Rob is Jewish and Satomi is Japanese, but Kai has his mother’s Asian features. 

While visiting them, Rob and I decide to go for a stroll with Kai, giving Satomi some well-deserved time to be baby-free.  We go to the park and put Kai on a swing.  He loves it.

Two attractive women come over and start talking to us.   We joke about how much Kai loves swinging back and forth.  I chat with one of the women, a tall brunette wearing a tight t-shirt that reads “Virginia is for Lovers.” 

I have this profound thought:  “Must hang out with cute babies more often.”

“Virginia is for Lovers” says she thinks it is great how we’re raising Kai.  Both women assure us that men can raise children as well as women.  Suddenly it occurs to us that these women think we are a gay couple who’ve adopted an Asian baby.

“Virginia” was not as loving after we told them the truth, as if we deceived them.

As we walked home, we saw ourselves as others saw us.  I’m sure if we were two women walking with a baby, others wouldn’t have given us a second glance.  

The situation reminded me of this popular article from the NY Times, written in April by by Jennifer Lee, titled “The Man Date.” (NY Times registration)

“The Man Date; What do you call two straight men having dinner?” The article discusses the issue that two male friends enjoying certain kinds of public activity together—going for a walk, visiting a museum, or having a meal—are automatically assumed by onlookers to be gay if there is no obvious business- or sports-related reason for them to be together. The fear of being thought gay, the article suggested, made it difficult for men to create the kind of one-on-one close friendships that women take for granted. (via World Wide Words)

Frankly, I think the thesis is rather ridiculous.  It really didn’t bother us at all, although a few blocks later, we passed a couple of teenage boys hanging out.  One of them nudged his friend and pointed at us, laughing at us with the baby.  In retrospect, we should have scolded him, or at least kicked his ass. 

Or even better, told his friends that we saw him last night at a gay bar.

Passing the Bar Mitzvah

May 19, 2005 / / 3 Comments

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I really liked this Slate article (written by Emily Bazelon) about the modern day bar mitzvah.   One of her best suggestions is that modern Jews might want to do away with the bar/bas mitzvah age requirement.  In the distant past, a Jew might have been considered an adult at thirteen.    Who feels like an adult at 13 anymore?  Or at 18?  Or even 25?

If the bar mitzvah weren’t set in stone at age 13, teenagers and adults could choose to read from the Torah for the first time when they were moved to—and they would get a real (rather than symbolic) taste of adulthood. So what if it takes some Jews decades to come around?

Wasn’t that the experience of that modern day Jewish sage, Krusty the Clown, who had his bar mitzvah as an adult?

Jewish tradition doesn’t change very easily, so it is doubtful that the “age 13” rule is going to change very soon, even though most kids don’t understand the whole experience.

I have a better idea.  Maybe Jews should have to get a new bar mitzvah every thirteen years (13, 26, 39, 52, etc.), something akin to renewing his driving license.   This way, every thirteen years, a Jew can think about what “adulthood” means to him during a new stage in his life.

It would also get him a whole new assortment of fountain pens, because after thirteen years, he’s surely lost all the pens from his last bar mitzvah.

I say Omorosa

May 19, 2005 / / 3 Comments

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(photo from Reality TV World)

Today I looked at my "stats" page showing the hits I’ve gotten since starting "Citizen of the Month."  I noticed that there were quite a few hits based on Google searches for Omorosa, the villain from the first season of "The Apprentice" (and the fifth season of "The Surreal Life.")  Were all these hits based upon this rather mediocre "humorous" post where I mentioned her name? 

I immediately went to Google and searched for "Omorosa," and there I was — #3!   That’s #3 out of all the sites that mention Omorosa, and there must be thousands of these sites that Google indexes! 

The results were clear.  You love me!  The blogosphere really, really loves me! 

I called up several friends. 

"Go right now and search for Omorosa in Google."

I emailed a relative back East.

"Look who’s #3!"

A half hour later, I received a call from Sophia. 

"Sorry, bigshot," she said.  "The correct spelling of Omorosa is Omarosa."

I was the #3 site for idiots like me who spelled her name wrong.  When her name is correctly spelled, my post is nowhere to be found on Google or anywhere.

Google, here I am — Omarosa, spelled correctly.   Please bring back the love.

California Real Estate Bubble to Bust?

May 18, 2005 / / 2 Comments

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Is the California real estate bubble about to bust?  Probably not…but after seeing realtor Wendy Heath selling real estate on this controverisal Long Beach billboard , I certainly have one bust on my mind.

(get it?)

There have been some reports that housing sales are down, in some cases by double digits, but in Ms. Heath’s case, her double digits are just fine.

(get it?)

I know interest rates are getting larger, but they certainly aren’t as large as…

 (OK, you get it.  Ms. Heath, a graduate of Loyola Marymount University, is a real estate broker wearing a bikini to get my attention.)

(And I know that, in proper English, interest rates are going "higher," not getting "larger," but then the euphemism wouldn’t work, right?)

The World is Flat

May 18, 2005 / / 2 Comments

Tonight, I  read the first few chapters of  The World is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century by Thomas L. Friedman.  So far, it’s extremely interesting.   In it, Friedman explains how the world has been "flattened" by new technology.  Workers in India and China can compete with our workers.  Companies have truly become international   New software makes it easier to communicate across borders. 

I say it’s great that we in the United States can communicate with others around the world! 

Thank you, sanjay at bangalore.it_guy dot com, for the pirated Friedman e-book and hooking me up with the NY Times’ bestsellers’ torrent site.

CBS Seeks Younger Viewers with New Fall Lineup

May 18, 2005 /

CBS announced the new fall lineup today,  including two supernatural thrillers to help bolster the network’s appeal to younger viewers.

"Sci-fi by necessity gets a younger crowd," CBS Chairman and Viacom Co-President Les Moonves said ahead of the network’s upfront presentation. "We’re in a position now where we’re younger — we’re certainly hipper.

"I can’t wait," says Yoda, of Sherman Oaks, CA, a sci-fi fan and long-time CBS viewer.

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(photo via yodajeff.com)

Letter to Diane Keaton

May 18, 2005 / / 3 Comments

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Dear Ms. Keaton,

We have a new mayor here in Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa.  I wish him well as I know you do.  It is unsettling that the election only drew 30 percent of the registered voters.  I absolutely agree with you in your column yesterday (in the Huffington Post) about the city’s lack of interest in the local election.

Interestingly, this same disinterested town was extraordinarily energized during the presidential election. Which makes me wonder if the love of the blockbuster out here has infected the way we see everything. We no longer care about the mid-level anything. The mayor’s race is a "small" election. Apparently we’re all waiting for the next mega-budget political extravaganza — coming to a ballot box near you in the fall of 2008.

It’s a big problem in society.  The media only focuses on the blockbuster.  I think I can help.  

Surely you must be tired of writing your opinions on that media-driven celebrity "blockbuster" blog that’s been talked about in every newspaper in the country because of famous bloggers like you.   I am mid-level stuff here at Citizen of the Month.   Actually, my blog has very little readership, although I’m well-liked by my five readers (not including my mother).  Dump that Huffington Post machine and come guest write for Citizen of the Month.  If you really care about the "mid-level," even "small" stuff, than I am your ticket out.  (I’m also a big fan of your work and once saw you shopping in Santa Monica!)

Sincerely,

Neil at Citizen of the Month

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